“I would study martial arts but I don’t like violence.” I have heard this statement many times over the years. Guess what? Neither do I. Neither do most people. Unless you are in the population of people that enjoys hurting others, you would probably agree with that statement. But you know that population? The ones that enjoy hurting others? They are out there, and you have probably encountered them or at least heard about them in your life.
Violence found me at a very young age. My mother, who was brilliant and creative, was also severely mentally ill and extremely violent especially when she was drunk. I only lived with her until I was six years old, when I was very fortunate to be taken away by the police and placed with my grandparents. I have blocked out most of the bad memories from those years but not all of them.
Things were great with my grandparents until I reached middle school. That’s when the bullying began. I was hit, carried across the school yard, had my hand slammed in a door, cornered while several girls screamed directly in my ear, pushed into lockers, shoved down to the ground, mentally and physically tormented for years. My grades plummeted, I couldn’t focus on anything, and (surprise) began to have serious emotional problems. This was in the 90’s so instead of therapy I received punishment for my bad behavior and that was that. No one asked me why I was behaving this way and even if they did I don’t think I could have articulated it. I didn’t understand what was going on, I was just trying to survive it. I was lucky. Many children and teenagers don’t survive, unfortunately. Oh, and did I mention I earned a black belt in Taekwondo during this time? I enjoyed the training and learned great discipline and martial arts foundations which have served me my whole life but I did not learn self defense. It wasn’t until college when I trained in Kung Fu that I would start to learn the psychology of self defense and how to make myself unappealing as a target. (Note: I love Taekwondo and think it is a great style but if you want street level self defense without having to get a 3rd or 4th degree black belt, I wouldn’t recommend it. I do think it’s a great foundational style if you want to take the time and really get some good technique, endurance, flexibility and coordination. And the culture is wonderful.)
So what is the point of me telling you all this? It’s that violence is real, whether you want to face it or not. By applying good awareness and avoidance, you can decrease your risk of encountering it. But your risk will never be zero. I am a peaceful person. Anyone who knows me will tell you I would never hurt anyone without cause and even with cause, I will exhaust all other options before I have to use violence. But there’s one thing I have learned in my years of study. All human beings are capable of great goodness and great evil. What we do in martial arts is find the darkness, the monster in us, and train it. Explore it and acknowledge it and learn how to harness it, but also learn how to keep it quiet until it is needed. Learn how to flip that switch in a controlled environment and also how to turn it off. I leave you with two quotes:
“A man who is not capable of great violence is not peaceful, he is harmless.” -Stefan Grant
“It is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.” -Sun Tzu
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