You Are Worth Saving

At the core of self defense is the belief that you are worth saving. You have to value yourself enough to fight if your safety is being threatened. 

There are various ways that this is a challenge for people. One of them is our society’s perception that someone can do something that makes them “deserve” to be assaulted. You have heard it hundreds of times I’m sure. When a woman is raped people immediately ask what she was wearing, how late was she out, how much did she have to drink, what kind of lifestyle did she lead, etc. They then take this information and use it to make a judgement about the character of the woman and decide whether she deserved it or not. Let me be clear: when I am teaching self defense concepts and I recommend taking certain actions to lower your risk of assault, in no way am I saying that those things mean you deserve to be assaulted. Assault is never ok for any reason. I don’t care if someone is passed out drunk in a back alley, taking advantage of them is absolutely wrong. But that judgmental way of thinking has led many woman, several of whom I have taught and talked to, to believe in their core that they are bad people and not deserving of safety and defense. 

Another challenge is the perception that certain populations should be immune to assault. One example of this is male rape victims. There is a lot of shame among male rape victims because the perception in our society is that men don’t get raped, or that there is never a situation where they wouldn’t want sex. So it takes a tremendous amount of courage for a male to report an assault because he knows he will face scrutiny or even harassment from some people.

So what does this all mean? The core of the practice is for you to love yourself and believe you are not only valuable, but hold immense value. It doesn’t matter what kind of lifestyle you lead or what mistakes you may have made in the past, you are valuable because you exist. Once you start to accept that, you can wrap your head around considering what you would do to keep yourself safe. Here’s a trick that works for a lot of people. Imagine, not that you are in danger but that your child is in danger. What would you do to save that child? Anything, right? Why? Because that child is so precious, so loved, that you would risk your life to save them. Can you now see yourself as the child? You were someone’s child, and whether they showed you love appropriately or not, can you transfer that love for your child onto yourself? If you can, now can you imagine going to the same lengths to save yourself as you would your child? I hope so, because you are as precious and beloved as all children should be.