Body Language

One of the biggest lessons you learn in martial arts is body language. Whether they talk about it or not, it is an integral part of training. In TaeKwonDo I learned how to stand up straight, at attention, and at ease. I learned to stand perfectly still without yawning, scratching my nose, or shifting my weight because any of those things would have earned me pushups. I also learned not to flinch while getting yelled at, having someone close to hitting me, or when caught off guard. Whatever happens in TaeKwonDo class, you are taught to maintain composure. 

In Kung Fu, not necessarily because the training was any better or worse, but because of my age, maturity level and knowledge base, I learned more subtle nuances of body language. How to control space, how to subconsciously claim space, push someone back energetically or pull them in. How to be aggressive and psychologically project confidence. 

Why am I telling you all this? What I want to express is that you can control the space around you, energetically, psychologically, and physically. I am not talking about fist fights. I am talking about body language. It starts with the lessons I learned in TaeKwonDo. Stand up straight, look people in the eye, and act like you are in charge, even if you have no idea what you are doing. This may take some practice, but it is a handy skill to know. It’s worth taking some TaeKwonDo lessons if you can afford them. If you can’t make the money or time commitment, go observe some classes and watch how the black belts act. Not the newly minted first degrees, watch the owner and the upper ranks. You should see exactly what I am talking about, a certain energy, respect and confidence they carry. 

Getting into the more subtle aspects of body language, take a look at people walking around. You will probably see some people totally oblivious to their surroundings, on their phone, earbuds in, not looking where they are going. They make very easy targets. Then there are people who are obviously nervous, scurrying around with their heads down, not looking at anyone, sneaking fearful glances behind them and clutching their bag or my pet peeve, holding their keys between their fingers. (Hint: do not do this, it is a terrible “self defense” strategy and it really makes you look like you are clueless and unable to defend yourself.) 

Now find some confident people. They walk upright, pay attention to their surroundings, always put themselves in good tactical positions, and generally look like they are in control. They are sending a message to would-be attackers that they are a bad target. This already lowers their risk a great deal. Remember what I said, there are no guarantees. Everything I teach is all aimed at lowering your risk. If you can do everything in your power to lower your statistical risk of being attacked, you can head off a lot of threats before they make it anywhere near you. There is always the possibility you will just be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that’s why I discuss everything from general awareness to specific responses to actual physical threats.

It works with animals, too. I love animals and in fact I do animal care for a living and volunteer at a wildlife refuge. However, if I have turkeys or geese or a similar type of bird getting a little too close, I can raise my arms up and look big and usually they’ll walk away. It’s really fascinating to try. Another interesting experiment in animal body language is equine therapy. The wonderful thing about animals is that they read your energy, and they are totally honest. They don’t have the hangups that humans do about being polite, feeling one way and acting another. They just tell you the truth with their body language. So when I did equine therapy, or even when I work with animals, I have to make sure my energy is calm and confident or else the animal won’t come near me. I also have to really pay attention to their body language and pick up on clues that they might be stressed or uncomfortable and then it is up to me to take actions to ease their stress or discomfort. So animals are a wonderful way to gauge your energy, and people watching is a great way to see examples of body language in real time. 

Try this: next time you are at a restaurant or a similar social setting, look around at the people around you, especially couples. You can usually tell which couples have been together for awhile, and which might be dates because their body language will not be as relaxed as the couples who have been together longer. Also look to see who is leaning forward and who is leaning back. In some groups, the energy will be equal but in other cases, one person will be dominating the other conversation, leaning forward while the other will be leaning back, almost like they want to get away. This is not an equal energy exchange. Crossed arms, looking away, looking distracted or even scared are all really good indicators that someone is uncomfortable. Open body language, relaxed posture, eye contact and smiling are signs of comfort and ease. Another great resource is Cesar Millan’s tv shows. You might have heard of him as The Dog Whisperer. His whole technique relies on energy and body language, and you can see the dogs react instantly. It’s really quite terrific. Observe all these things and see what you can implement in your own life.