Action

Although awareness and avoidance are excellent strategies that I firmly believe can keep almost anyone out of danger, there are situations that happen despite the best planning and awareness.  Sometimes people simply get attacked or find themselves in danger and it would be shortsighted and foolhardy of me not to address this possibility.  So, when awareness and avoidance have failed, we have a plan for action.  

Escalated response:  It is very important that you match your action response to the threat level.  This is not just me talking, it is literally against the law to use more force than necessary and you will be arrested and thrown in jail if it is determined that you went overboard.  So here are some examples:

Low threat:  A guy is pestering you at a bar or a drunk relative at a family gathering.  Clearly you don’t want to go straight to the red zone and bash someone’s head in if they are just being a pest.  But you don’t want to tolerate that behavior either.  The best thing to do is leave. If for some reason you can’t, or you need to address the situation (e.g. he has you cornered) try to make noise and get someone to help you.  If that is not an option, joint locks are great for these situations because they don’t leave marks or cause damage if done correctly.  Grab a finger (or wrist) and bend it the wrong way (be careful not to break it unless that is your intention).  Once he is distracted, use his body angle to escape.  Joint locks are easy to execute but they take a lot of practice to learn, so I suggest you find an instructor in your area who can teach you or contact me for assistance. 

Next level: Medium threat.  Someone trying to take your purse or you are cornered and the joint locks aren't an option but your life is not in danger (yet).  This is where groin kicks and face palms are great.  One shot, distract them, and run like hell.  Every body is different, so I recommend you practice on a Body Opponent Bag or at your local martial arts school to find out what techniques suit you best.  

Next level: High threat.  This is where your life is in danger.  It is hard to write a guide for this because there are a thousand different scenarios that could happen.  The basic concept is this: if someone is really threatening your life, it’s either you or them.  You have to shut off that switch inside of you that keeps you polite and functioning in society and become an animal.  Fight dirty.  There are no rules.  The only thing you need to know is if you survive, you win.  This is something that long term training in martial arts will help with.  A good instructor will put you in more and more difficult situations to gradually desensitize you to being hit, being sat on, being thrown, being threatened, etc so you have a better chance of keeping your head if it actually happens.  Not all schools are good, so please contact me at suzernathy@hotmail.com if you would like help choosing a school.  

Avoidance

"A confused opponent is better than an angry one" -Suzanne Abernathy

This is the second of my three tenets: Awareness, Avoidance, and Action.  As I previously stated, most dangerous situations can be avoided by simply practicing good awareness and not getting involved.  If, however, you find yourself in a situation either because you responded too late or someone has targeted you, there are still many options you have before it comes to blows.  

Set your ego aside:  There is absolutely no way you can practice avoidance if your ego demands that you win a fight or that you believe it is wimpy to walk away from a fight.  That is absolutely not true.  There is no shame in avoiding conflict.  On the contrary, engaging in a fight when you have other options is: #1 against the law, #2 very dangerous.  Fighting is ugly, painful, and risky.  At the very least someone will get hurt.  Possibly someone will get killed and/or end up in jail and lives will suffer a tremendous negative impact.

So, if you see a fight brewing, or someone is taunting you, simply leave if you can.  Take the easy way out.  There is no shame in walking away from a fight.  

Be aware of your surroundings: When you find yourself in a situation that is getting dicey, take a look around you.  Where are your exits?  What kind of situation are you in?  Great example: I was at a Christmas party once when a fight broke out in the kitchen.  I was in the hall, halfway between the front and back of the house.  I quickly assessed my choices; back yard, bedrooms, front door. The back yard did not have a gate and I didn't want to trap myself in the house, so I went out the front door and around the corner just in case things escalated.  From there, I kept an eye on the driveway so I could see when the instigators left and I knew it was safe to go back inside. (I was living at the house, so I ended up gathering my belongings and leaving later that night).  

Be slippery: If someone does put their hands on you, wiggle and move and get away!  It is much harder to fight someone who does not want to fight. I highly recommend learning about joint locks and the counters to joint locks (you can look up a local martial arts instructor for this or contact me).  This training has made me very difficult to pin down and has saved me more than once.  To be perfectly honest, I am not the best fighter, the fittest, or the strongest.  But I know my body and have developed a strategy that works for me.  

Avoidance mostly comes down to a mindset.  If you truly believe that fighting is absolutely a last resort, you will find a way to get out of any bad situation if at all possible.  Sometimes it is not possible but most of the time, it can be done and you can save yourself a lot of trouble.  

Awareness

My self defense philosophy is based on three tenets; awareness, avoidance, and action, in that order.  This post will focus on the first tenet: awareness.

99% of self defense is awareness.  Proper awareness can stem most if not all potential threats by recognizing warning signs and getting out of the area as soon as possible.  Good awareness starts with good security habits.  A few examples: 

Minimize Distractions - No using the cell phone while you’re on the move (walking, driving).  If you absolutely have to take a call or text, make sure you are in a good tactical position.  That means pull over and stop if you're driving, with doors locked.  If you are out walking, find somewhere that you can stand with your back to a wall with good visibility.  Make it fast, then put the phone away and get to your destination.

Dress for Success - Choose clothes that won’t hinder movement and shoes you can run in.  That doesn’t mean you can’t look nice; there are plenty of beautiful clothes and shoes that are also practical.  Also choose bags/purses that actually secure your belongings and wear them in such a way that it is not easy to steal them from you or pickpocket you.

Pay Attention - When you walk down the street, keep your head up, look around, be engaged.  Know where your exits and cover are.  If you see something suspicious, calmly change course, find a better position or leave.  

Secure Your Belongings - Do not leave your purse in a grocery cart or on a counter in a store or coffee shop while you wander off to look at something.  I see this all the time and know people who have had their purses stolen because of this.

Intuition - A key aspect of awareness is what you do with the information you have.  Following your intuition is crucial to maintaining your safety.  Women in this culture are pressured to be nice, even at the risk of their own safety.  Both women and men, including law enforcement professionals, have been attacked and said afterward that they felt something was off but rationalized it away.  I say this not to judge anyone, quite the opposite.  My point is that it can happen to anyone, even with the best training in the world.  But you can greatly improve your chances of staying safe if you make it a habit to follow your intuition first and ask questions later.  That doesn’t mean you just go off the rails and attack someone.  What it does mean is that you pay attention, gauge your situation, and place yourself in the safest position possible while continuing to asses the threat. Here's an example from my own experience:

I was walking my dog in the evening.  I was living in a gated complex, and as I exited the gate, my hand slipped and it banged closed a split second before I saw movement across the street.  It was a person with a shopping cart.  When he heard the gate his head snapped up and he looked at me.  Because I was paying attention, I noticed this and just kept an eye on him.  Sure enough, as I started down the street, he started moving the same way.  He was across the street, so I had some distance.  I turned left, and started walking a little faster to gain some more distance.  When I checked, he had also turned left but was still on the other side of the street.  At this time I decided he was a potential threat, so I made a plan to lose him.  I was very familiar with the neighborhood, and I knew there was a restaurant just around the corner that backed up against my complex, so I quietly and efficiently walked around the corner, into the restaurant, told the waitress I was being followed, and she let me go out the back of the restaurant, right back to my condo.  If he was indeed following me, all he would have seen is that I went around the corner and disappeared.  Was that guy really following me?  Was I really in danger?  I don’t know, but I wasn’t sticking around to find out!

How can you increase your own awareness?  First, give yourself permission to listen to your own intuition.  Your body knows how to read signals and your subconscious can process information way faster than your conscious mind.  I highly recommend “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker.  It’s not a new book, but it’s the best I’ve ever read about intuition and avoiding violent situations.  

Second, start paying attention to your surroundings.  Play the escape and evade game in your mind.  Look around, find the exits and cover and ask yourself, if someone came in the front door what would I do?  If they came in the back door, if they approached me at my car, etc etc.  Don’t let it scare you, treat it like a game of hide and seek with your kids.  

Third, try and implement some of those security habits and be consistent with them.  Just doing those three things will greatly increase your chances of staying safe. 

Not Your Ordinary Karate Story

When I was a child, I was taken from my mother and placed with my grandparents after a short stint in foster care while they worked out the details with the court.  I don’t know if it was state mandated or what, but I remember one day a nice lady came to the house and played some games with me, then went and talked with my grandparents.  Years later I found a letter that made me remember that day.  She was an IQ tester.  The report said that I had an above average IQ but that my social skills were lacking, most likely because of my family situation, and that they should endeavor to help me increase my social skills by encouraging my interaction with other children.  A logical suggestion, but children aren't always the kindest teachers of social skills.  I was always awkward in elementary school but managed to have a few close friends and was generally happy.  My troubles started in seventh grade.  Due to a pituitary condition I was born with, I was very scrawny and nerdy and was quickly a target for the bullies.  Interestingly enough, this was about the time I started training in TaeKwonDo.  I learned to do push ups and kick and yell “yes sir!” and “no sir!” but my brain wasn’t developed enough yet to translate any of this to my real life problems.  As I trained in TaeKwonDo, even earning a black belt, I was mercilessly berated and physically abused by kids at school.  The psychological abuse was worse for me than the physical abuse.  Kids I was supposed to do projects with would say cruel things to me and sabotage my work, and the teachers never seemed to catch on.  Looking back now, I find it hard to believe that a teacher can be that obtuse, but it wasn’t just one.  There were a host of adults who through their lack of knowledge or incompetence allowed the bullies to operate and even blamed me much of the time.  There were red flags all over the place, my grades, my behavior, but no one seemed to put two and two together.  

Why am I telling you this story?  Not to say “poor me,” but to dispel the myth that a black belt magically gives you super powers or that training alone makes you tough or teaches you to defend yourself.  Don't get me wrong, I encourage everyone to train, but you must train for the right reasons and work with the right people.  That finally happened for me when I got to college and I met a Kung Fu instructor who changed my life.  I trained with him, helped build his school, and met a host of incredible people along the way.  I truly believe it was in that period that I transformed from a wimpy kid with a black belt to a woman who could stand up for herself.  I trained harder during that time than I ever have, before or after, and that training still serves me to this day.  Since then, I have tried other styles on and off mostly because of a knee injury.  My motto is "you can take the girl out of the martial arts but you can't take the martial arts out of the girl," and that is the attitude that has kept me going even when injuries prevented me from training.  I tell my students that not being able to train was the hardest training I ever did.  It forced me to find other ways to grow and look critically at my body to see what I really can do and adapt my self defense strategy around my own strengths and weaknesses. And that is why I believe that self defense is for everyone, regardless of your physical capabilities.  Self defense is mostly in the mind, and you can build a strategy for any body type.